to rock and roll!

Watch out!

When you drown yourself in what you think is important, you miss out on memorable moments.


When you let yourself be consumed by responsibility, you forget about fun.


When you distance yourself from one thing to close the gap between another, you find yourself torn.


But despite all these, at the end of the day you realize: you missed out on everything --- and now you’re still nothing but empty.

Before the year draws to a close, I'd like to ponder on some of the memorable events that passed. The year 2008 was definitely a year of learning. On a personal level, the year taught me plenty of valuable lessons that I will bring with me throughout my lifetime. There were many events in 2008 that tested my faith and my strength as an individual. But nonetheless, I put those events behind me and moved on with more knowledge and wisdom.

The year 2008 was also a year of self-discovery. It enabled me to learn more about myself, my goals, and the most important things and people in my life. 2008 was full of realizations about what I should be thankful for and what I should learn to appreciate more. I learned that family is and will always be most important in my life and I should never, ever take that for granted. Life may seem easy at times, but it is much easier with family around. I realized that no matter how bad things get, it's my family that I will always run to and they will always have their arms wide open for me. Family will always be family - no questions asked.

Friendship was another theme that dominated my 2008. The year would not have been this great had I not been with such wonderful friends around me. So, thank you to all of you.

Last but definitely not the least, 2008 made me realize that shit happens, but you just have to make the best of the situation at hand. It's really going to be up to us to make the decision we think will be best for us and stick to that decision. No what-ifs. Ever.

With that said, I wish everybody a very happy new year! Be safe and let's all own 2009! =)

don't you just love how miserable california gets in the rain???




***
seems like i'm getting what i wanted for my bday:
rain = snow and testing out my awd!


***
i love it!

***

time to move somewhere else soon!!!

happy week!!!

* Excuse my language*

but don't you fuckin hate it when a person keeps on fuckin butting in on your conversations? When a conversation solely about and controlled by you suddenly turns into a conversation about that person??

Give me a motherfuckin break! Why do people feel the fuckin urge to fuckin try to include themselves in conversations they are not a part of and try to make that conversation about them?!


UGH!

With Thanksgiving now done and over with, I'd like to extend my gratitude to those who prayed for me and supported me all throughout my health crisis. Just a little less than a day before Thanksgiving, I received word that my lump is BENIGN -- truly, something that I was thankful for this past Thanksgiving.

I'd like to say thanks to everyone who supported me throughout this very rough and stressful journey. No words could express my gratitude to all of you.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with their loved ones and may the upcoming holidays bring more happiness and joy to all of you! =)

I love you all!


--Gi

PS. I hope all the sales did not rip your wallets apart. :P

** back to my final paper **

I can't believe how long I've left my account untouched. I guess I've just been too preoccupied with some stuff.

There have been a few ups and downs lately and the upcoming holidays are keeping me busy. I am 90% done with the presents, so that's a good thing. Black Friday is coming up and I should be able to pick up the last few items I need then. Also, finals are coming up and I cannot wait to get it over with.

There is forecast of a huge "rainstorm" this week, which really excites me about the snow. However, I am a little apprehensive to wish for rain at this time due to the recent fires here in OC, which then would lead to mudslides. As if the fires weren't enough we now might have to open up our center as a shelter for the rainstorms. :[

My birthday is also coming up and so is Ceejay and mine's 3rd anniversary. Both events have kept me busy and mentally preoccupied lately.

Work has been nothing but busy and overwhelming. With the holidays coming up, our office has turned into a donation dumpster -- that's a good thing, I guess. My only consolation is the never ending gratitude and hugs I get from my clients. Now I know how it feels to help those who really want and need the help.

School is busy, but almost done -- thank goodness.

And life in general has been just okay.

Oh and I get my results tomorrow morning. Wish me luck, I guess?

After months of driving and shifting under 3000 rpm's, I finally lost it today. I am sick of stupid automatic car drivers who do not understand the lag between shifting from first to second. Those who tailgate and expect me to accelerate out of fear that they will hit me. Shit, hit me for all I care.

I stepped on that gas pedal like there was no tomorrow. I sped up the winding hills of Brea, boasting my AWD, while I held the wheel with one hand.





And after about 10 seconds, I was done.

I just needed to vent.



Ugh.

After three weeks of continuous sad and depressing stories of hardships from my clients, I had to let it all out today.

After seeing another client uncontrollably breaking down in front of me, I rushed to the bathroom and finally broke down myself.

I guess no matter how thorough my training is in the social work field, I still get affected by my clients' stories and hardships. No matter how hard I try to not think about them at home I still do anyway.

And I guess no matter how hard I try to hold the tears back when I see my clients crying, it will always be unsuccessful. Because I am a human being just like them afterall.

It's usually when you throw your hands up in the air and say, "I give up" that something life-altering happens.

There is beauty in walking away. I know, because I walked away from someone and he chased me to show me that he can change.

And now I know he will.

I have definitely found a new energy ever since I started graduate school. It's a strange feeling, very hard to explain; however, I know that it is good. All of a sudden, I started feeling a “purpose,” a huge task at hand that needed to be accomplished successfully. I must admit, I am a little intimidated by the other students in my program. They all seem to hold years and years of experience in the field – something that I obviously lack. However, apart from intimidation, it definitely makes me proud to have been chosen to be in the same program with these “experienced professional helpers.”

After a year and a half of a life of blah, I can definitely attest to the fact that some people (ehem, including myself) need to have something HUGE happening in their lives at all times. People like me need stimulants and activities to keep busy and functioning. I found that I needed some brain activity to keep me from paranoia, delirium, and plain insanity. No wonder I came up with the most impractical, uncalled for, and stupidest plans during the past year!

So with all of these said, I officially succumb to another life of anti-social behavior and sleepless nights! See you all in three years! =)

When do you say enough is enough?

Where do you draw the line between obligation and option?



-----------

“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

This is my first ever..."edited" photo. Asked for my little sister's help for the border and the name stamp (sooo pathetic of me). LOL. =)


Really glad that my first edited photo is of a very good friend...*naks*


Enjoy!


-----------------LARA aka The New Face of Yogurtland ------------------------------------

With everything that's going on with me right now, I realize that no matter how hard I try to make something happen, if it's not meant to be, then it will NOT happen.

No matter how close I get to it, if it's not written in the books, then somehow, somewhere, something fails and disables me from attaining whatever it is.

Yes, I am disappointed. But I guess, I'm okay with it. Why? Because along with that realization comes the acceptance that someday, something better will turn up for me.

I haven't really blogged recently, I guess mostly because I have been unhappy. I have been extremely dissatisfied with the way the stars have been lining up for me.

I just feel shitty basically. There's too many things I'd like for myself, but have been unable to attain. Plenty of plans that never really materialized.

For the most part, school and work have been really stressing me out. Grad school is definitely something foreign to me at this time. So, just thinking about the work load and the studying is enough to make me feel nauseous. And then there's the "thought" of moving somewhere closer to school or possibly to work. It's been really tough making a decision, especially since the folks depend on me financially (that's a whole other blog entry right there). Anyway, work has been pretty stressful too, believe it or not. The city's budget crisis definitely has everyone walking on egg shells right now. Who's getting cut, who gets to stay? Hopefully, I get to stay. I mean, give me a break, people are having a difficult time as it is with the economic situation, why oh why would you take away their source of income?

I don't know about you guys, but I am for sure as heck nervous to see what will happen next. I think it will take years and years and years for our economy to recover from this hell of a hole we are in right now.

So, with that said, here's to more student loans and a possible job loss!

I regularly watch Wowowee, a daily noontime variety show in the Philippines, and every single time I watch this show, I can't help but shed a tear.

Ironic, isn't it? A noontime variety show is supposed to "alleviate" your sorrows and worries during its course; however, at the same time, it depicts the true poverty and difficulties Filipinos face today.

The other day, an old man joined the show in hopes to win money to finance his trip back home to Mindanao. I got teary-eyed as Willie, the show's host, asked the old fellow how he wanted to get back home. Willie asked if he wanted to fly, the man replied, "barko lang po" (no, a boat ride is enough). The one episode that stuck out to me the most was when they invited children of basureros and basureras (children of people who live of off picking up trash). One of the contestants, a girl named Ading, caught my attention and made me cry. She is 7 years old and helps her mother pick up trash and sell scrap metal and cartons they find in the land fills. She wishes to be able to go to school just like other kids her age. When asked if she knew how to read and write, she responded with "pangalan ko lang po" (I know how to write my name only). And despite their family's poverty and inability to send her to school, when asked what her message to her mom was, she responded with, "Salamat po sa pagpapalaki ninyo sa akin ng maayos at sa pagmamahal ninyo. Mahal na mahal ko po kayo" (Thank you for raising me the way that you did and for your love. I love you very much).

I guess my point in writing this is to voice out my undying love for the Filipino community. Wowowee is such a depressing show for me to watch, but I still watch it, because it serves as my motivation to finish my Masters Degree and start helping out my people. I love to help, but helping my own people and maybe even going back to my roots is so much better and much more fulfilling.

Wowowee makes me realize how humble and content Filipinos are, even in poverty and extreme difficulties. The old man who wanted to go back to Mindanao was content with a boat ride, when he could most definitely fly with the money he won that day. The little girl was content with helping her mom pick up trash, even if she really wanted to go to school and learn like the other kids her age. Despite their family's financial situation, she valued her family and loved her parents incredibly. She was content that they were poor -- as long as they had one other.

It makes me ashamed that here I am worrying about what camera to buy next when more than one family in the Philippines needs to worry about where to get food that day. It's embarrassing that we are all complaining about gas prices, when more than a dozen families in the Philippines don't even have a roof over their heads. It's pretty sick how we think we have it so bad here in the United States, when more than half of the world is struggling to live and survive. It makes me even more ashamed that my dog has more than enough outfits and treats, and she is taken to the groomers four times a year. Some Filipinos don't even have clothes to wear, let alone, have never had a professionally done haircut in their lives.

Very sad, but very true.

I guess some of us, including myself, will never know how it feels to worry about where to get food for the day, where to stay for the night, and which land fill to pick up trash from. But nevertheless, just the constant effort to recognize that plenty of people around the world live this kind of life is enough to keep our feet grounded at all times and grateful for what we have. In my case though, I want to do more and I will do more. Maybe not now, but in the very near future.

Since my sister "broke" my Canon SD400, I used it as an excuse to rampage through the internet and search for my next camera.

Here it is.
The Canon G9, the successor of the G8 and G7.

I am no pro when it comes to photography, but I guess I can say I know some of the basics. I decided to get this camera because it's a comprise between a regular point and shoot and a DSLR. It's perfect for novice (this is definitely me) to professional photographers. You get the portability of a p&s, but you also get some of the functions of a DSLR without the high price tag.

So, now that I've decided what camera to get, the next move would be to save some money for it. I think I want to get 3 lenses and borrow Ceejay's speedlite since the G9 comes with a hot shoe.

I swear. Breaking things can cost you so much money.

Agh.

Hello all,

I am selling my one year old Palm z22. Let me know if you're intrested so I can send you some pics. Asking for $55. Thanks.

Happy Independence Day to my beloved country!


Mabuhayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

I made the biggest mistake of getting out of bed today.




Damn.








On a not so lighter note:



If people can die for each time they eat their words, then I know of many who would be dead by now.

Because my weekend was spent witnessing a coming together by two individuals in marriage, I have come to realize that there is no perfect wedding nor is there a fairytale wedding.

Something wrong is bound to happen at every wedding, such as your singer missing more than a note or two while your entourage is entering the cathedral, your flower girls forgetting to spread the petals on the aisle, your guests forgetting to blow the bubbles while you walk down the aisle, your reception emcee blabbing the night away barok style, and your emcee presenting all your sponsors as "parents of the bride."

I also realized that although your wedding day is supposed to be a special day in you and your future spouse's life, it's not worth all the stress a bride and groom go through in preparation for it. So, for mine, I've decided to pay someone else to get stressed, aka a wedding planner. I will let him/her worry about all the small and big details of THE BIG DAY. Afterall, that's what they get paid for. That's what they are supposedly good at, so I will give them just that.

Objectively speaking, I realize that getting married is no joke to the couple's wallets. After seeing what I saw on Saturday, how can a small portion of chicken and three pieces of shrimp cost $12,000?!?!

But at the end of the day, I realized my cousin is happy and that's all that matters. It was HER wedding and she got what she wanted. There may have been some disappointments during the course of the night, but they were negligible compared to the feeling of marrying the person you love the most.

So, with that said, I would like to extend my best wishes to my cousin. May they have many, many, many happy years together. I'm glad to see her finally happy with someone who truly and dearly adores her.

Another cousin wedding awaits in October. Let's see if this one will make me cry too.

The current economic situation definitely concerns me. Recently, I have been reluctant to spend any money unless utterly needed. And yet, I still find myself really struggling to increase my savings.

I am scared shitless.

I almost want to pick up a second job just to have that extra cash for emergency needs. Who knows what could happen in this kind of an economy. I've paid off all my credit card debt and only spend what I really have to -- and I hope that this enough to survive the "recession."

So with that said, my upcoming trip to Vegas for Ceejay's birthday will probably be the first and last this summer until money gets better. I will try my hardest to hold on to the little money that I have and hope that I never have to use it until this harsh economy springs back up.

After running at 7am today, I realized Bella is the perfect running partner for me. 30 minutes and we're done. LOL. I think I outrun her this time. She was literally trying to lay down in the middle of the freakin' road while I was still running. Too funny. She barked a little, but not as bad as she used to when at a public park.

I had fun. I think we will be doing this three times a week. Good for her health and mine. Glad I actually got up today and ran.


Now, I need a bigger dog to pull me while I'm on blades. tsk.

Okay, so I'm really disappointed in myself for gaining 5 of the 15 lbs. I lost a couple of months ago. I worked really, really hard to lose those pounds and to gain a third of it back, just blows.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know you're probably thinking I don't need to lose weight and I look okay. BUT there is a certain weight range I'd like to be and I want to stay within that range. I am at the peak of that range, so I kinda want to lose some pounds and stay on the lower end.

With that said, I just finished downloading some new songs to go in my ipod. I've decided to start running -- with my dog. I figured it's probably not wise to invest in a gym membership or a threadmill or a kickboxing class or a hip hop dance class at this time. I need to be saving as much money as I can as I prepare to go back to school. So, not only will I (hopefully) lose the pounds, but the running will be good for Bella's socialization (and health) as well.

So wish me and Bella some luck, friends. Running with a 7lb. hyperactive maltese can be quite a handful.

I haven't really been in the writing mood lately. So many things have come up that have kept me busy, rather, "preoccupied" the past couple of days.

There's the assault/battery shit that we witnessed, the stupid playoffs that takes up A LOT of my time at home, memorial weekend stuff, preparation for my parents' 25th anniversary, ceejay's birthday, CSULB stuff, a ticket I got for my old car, another ticket for the new car, etc., etc., etceteraaaaaa.

And on top of all of that, work has been pretty stressful recently -- believe it or not. This has got to be the very first time I'm a little stressed about my work. I have a few projects lined up that need to be accomplished before the new fiscal year. It's just hard to balance my time at work, I guess. I must admit, I'm a little overwhelmed by the projects I need to accomplish and a little upset at myself for not managing my time better. Oh well.

There's a whole bunch of thoughts in my head that I've been meaning to write about:

1. Not all bald, tattooed, gangster-looking guys are mean and scary. Some of them are actually candidates for the "best dad in the world."

2. After witnessing an assault, I learned that I need to control my anger and keep my nasty, demeaning thoughts to myself.

3. A bad economy is no excuse to give your dog a haircut.

4. You need to stand up for what you think is right at all times.

5. I will LEARN how to play tennis before summer 2008 ends.

So there you go. I really don't feel like writing more. Hope everyone had a great holiday. I did.

After attending my orientation for graduate school, I realize this is the shit. No more fooling around; this is the real deal. I must admit, I was pretty overwhelmed with the whole program and what lies ahead. But, at the same time, I know I was accepted into a good social work program filled with great faculty and students.

It feels pretty good to be one of the 60 students chosen to be in this program. According to the admissions coordinator, Professor Smith, this year is the most competitive batch of students by far. I'm really honored and excited to start this program and be the professional helper I've always wanted to be.

The department's dean, Dr. Oliver, welcomed all the newly accepted students yesterday. He reminded everybody that the work you do should never define who you are. However, he said, in our case, it's the work we do that defines who we are; for, not everybody has the ability to offer assistance to the needy like we have committed to do.

After a month of ownership, the Subie exceeded many expectations, mostly mine. I find that as the car is slowly broken in (currently at 750 mi), the better gas mileage it gets. Last meter recorded 24.9 mpg. Current is at 27. It’s gradually growing on me, as the memory of the Bug slowly slips away. The windows will get tinted tomorrow and I’ll take it to Long Beach on Saturday for a taste of the upcoming CSULB commute.

After 5 months of owning a dog, I realize that there is nothing more touching than getting home and having a fluff ball jump all over you. It doesn’t get any better than having a white four-legged creature follow you all over the house. Being home alone doesn’t suck as bad any more.

After 12 months of graduation, I realize my brain is ready for some action once again.

After 33 months of knowing Ceejay, I realize life is grand.

I guess this blog is officially "up and running" again as of today. It's amazing how many memories quickly rush back to my mind while reading the past 4 years of my life, written in an online diary.

Most of the entries made me squirm and chuckle; some made me cry. It's almost unbelievable to read about your life and see it unfold through your own writing. Made me realize that as I age, the better I write, and the better "topics" I write about. I had to laugh at some of the stupid shit I used to write about. I can't believe I actually posted them and had REAL LIFE friends read them. Gahhd. I really should just shut this thing down. But I won't.

This will be another great outlet for me to get through some of the little bumps I come across in this exciting journey called L-I-F-E.

So...with or without an audience, I officially open gigoy.blogspot.com to the public (again).

It seems rather silly to me now to think that I have it real bad.

I guess if I open my eyes enough and look around me a little more, I will discover that there are plenty of people out there in far more pain than I am.

http://www.mattlogelin.com/

Some people are so transparently shady, it makes you wonder why you haven't slapped them across the face yet.

After spending a few days in limbo, I realize that haste brings out the stupidity and impracticality in me. Escapism gets the best of me; pulling me into a very scary delusional state.

It's never right to run away and turn my back on what's important and valuable. I assent that I've done too much for others and very little for myself. But now I recognize that it is through what I do for others that I reward myself. As much as I would like to believe that I can be independent and strong, I know that I still need a little support from those who matter. Life is tough, but much easier when surrounded by caring people.

I guess when a "once-active" mind sits stagnant for a little while, it starts to wander and imagine impossibilities, even fantasizing about unattainable desires.